“Do You have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once? “
I feel like Green Day embodies my thoughts for this week and all of my youth. Weeks 2 and 3 and me, have crossed each others paths and moved it along. With family obligations, Mets Games and library groups, I hadn’t had time to myself. I realized all I had been doing was cleaning the house, raking the leaves and doing the laundry. With Vienna at my feet, we’ve been playing and getting into our routine of her mommy and me classes. It raised my anxiety for sure since our routine was always at a leisurely pace. Now I have a time schedule that throws me off. It makes me think of when she will be in school even if it’s far away, and I shudder at the thought. But she’s doing so well and I love seeing her explore and learn. The new schedule makes my heart race and rush more than I used to so I’m hoping it calms down a bit when we get into the groove. The anxiety I’ve been having is usually quieted by exercise and projects but both haven’t been as frequent because…life.
This weekend I was finally able to take the top shelf down in her closet. Brian took Vienna out to McDonalds and Spirit Halloween. Coming home with a Boo bucket in hand and a Minnie lollipop made my heart smile. In the small time they were gone, maybe 2 and a half hours, I removed the shelf, patched the holes, raked and bagged the leaves in the front yard, and straightened up the basement…Which has been the bane of my existence since last year’s flood.
It’s crazy to think of all the things I could do in such a small amount of time without a child nearby. I didn’t do much but what I did held
me over a bit as I purged and reorganized. As I threw away tons of shit that had mold on it, I realized how quiet the house was. It was Arya and I again. But I missed the rest of my family.
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. There’s always that guilt in the background of my brain that I’m learning to reframe. Thankfully, the thoughts are at bay when I work.
During the time I was removing the brackets, I had to unscrew the butterfly anchors or “toggle bolts” that screw into the wall and open up to keep the shelf more stable. The previous renters installed the closet system and I was unable to get three out of the four of them out so in the wall they stay. Usually you’re supposed to unscrew the screw first then use pliers to pull out the expanded wings but it just wasn’t working for me that day. The bottom shelf that I removed in week one was a straighter and more level board than the top so that will be used to replace the bowed shelf. Any old materials are encouraged and helps the budget.
The next steps are sanding the patches and touching up the paint before installing the other shelf with the new gold brackets and rub n buffing the other ones. These are the brackets I picked up at Lowe’s with Vienna as well as her new Mickey Mouse singing Christmas moveable.
I don’t know if I’ll get to the sanding today because these days are getting shorter…I’m off to paint pumpkins 🎃 😍with my little pumpkin.
I hope you find some spooky fun to take your mind off your responsibilities and see the world through a child’s eyes for a moment in time.
Love, Jacqueline xoxo
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