Changing this old mirror and bar cart this week re-energized me and gave me time to think. I was thankful Brian took Vienna out and spent a daddy daughter day with her. Days that I miss since my dad passed away. Thankful that with the smell of sawdust that I always feel him around me. As the leaves start to change, I feel as if I'm starting to change too.
Week Three of The One Room Challenge I’ve decided something…not just about project design plans, but about myself. I’ve been thinking more clearly of what I want from this room makeover as well as my own self discovery. Much like myself, a lot of my designs were dark and moody. Lately, I have felt drawn to the light in so many ways. Sanding the mirror and bar lifted a weight off my chest. A big undertaking that is now checked off the list.
I’ve spent so much time and energy on making sure people like me. Always trying to be the good girl, the good friend, the good daughter. In business, wondering why my work doesn’t get shown, why the algorithm doesn’t show my creativity and words of inspiration. Always trying to create something to look the best I can make it. Always holding myself accountable for every mistake and feeling guilty about each and every one of them in my life. Because I’ve been afraid of Change.
My Instagram reel this week on week three was about changing. Changing the way my brain works since I was a child is difficult and now even more difficult since I have built my life around being a mother. But I’m giving myself permission to just be. Whoever I am. Not feeling ashamed if my work isn’t perfect, not feeling overwhelmed if the dishes aren’t done. Not getting envious of others’ success.
What is success measured by anyway? Not follower count, not how much money you make, but who is there for you and loves you no matter who you are. And for that I am grateful.
The change in seasons, the change I see in my growing baby girl and the change I see in myself and my marriage. That… I’m not afraid of.
Love,
Jackie
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